"What I am offering you will undoubtedly
change your life..." --Kari Joys '04
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To access our newsletter archive, please click here! May 2006 Newsletter Learning
to Love Yourself We
had an incredible, magical workshop last weekend! I wish you could
have all been there to share it with us! It’s very sad to see the
emotional damage that is done to so many of us in the name of love,
but so heart-warming when someone is able to overcome that old
emotional baggage and become the person they were meant to be! After
a weekend like that, no one wants to go home on Sunday because the
feeling of unconditional love is so amazing! For
those of you who were not able to attend, I want to share some of
the tools we use to heal the inner child and really love ourselves
so that we can become healthy, productive adults. Those of you who
have worked with me before will undoubtedly find them familiar, but
it never hurts to brush up on your personal growth! Learning
to truly love yourself
is the single most important thing you could ever achieve
through the process of psychotherapy.
Everything else dims in comparison to the profound effect
healthy self-love has on an individual. When you honestly love
yourself, your entire life begins to feel like you’re swimming in
the gentle flow of a loving river. Self-love helps you make healthy
choices. It allows you to give and receive love in loving,
supportive relationships. It gives you the self-esteem to believe in
your abilities and pursue your dreams. Self-love helps you take care
of yourself and set healthy boundaries with others. Self-love is the
structure that supports a healthy life. How do you achieve self-love if you grew up in a dysfunctional family? One
way you learn to love yourself is through recognizing and expressing
your feelings and your needs. It’s not important at the beginning
to express those feelings to the people who actually hurt you, but
it’s very important to find people who are safe to talk to about
what you really feel. At the start the feelings that have been
bottled up inside tend to come out very intensely and they can
sometimes feel overwhelming, but over time, as you release the
pent-up feelings from the past, it becomes easier to express your
feelings with kindness and compassion rather than blame and attack.
When you learn to effectively express and release your feelings,
they will always come back to love. In
addition to expressing and releasing the feelings from the past,
there are two homework assignments I always give my clients who are
working on self-love. The first is to imagine yourself as a child,
and get an image of that sweet, innocent child you were back then.
Then as your adult self, imagine loving that little person the way
he or she deserved to be loved. Imagine holding and hugging the
child, and saying the loving words to him or her that you always
wanted to hear. It’s important to take your time to really be
present emotionally with the child, rather than rushing or expecting
him/her to get better quickly. Remember that “love is patient and
love is kind!” Take time to listen to the child’s feelings and
imagine spending time doing something together that he/she enjoys. The second process is just as important, but done in a slightly different way. For this process you look into a mirror, and look deeply into your eyes like you would look into the eyes of someone you love dearly. As you look deep into your eyes, you say these words to your inner child: (Your name), I love you just the way you are! I
know better than anyone what you’ve been through!
You’re beautiful, and
important, and special to me!
I’ll always be there
for you!
No matter what happens,
I’m always going to love you!
You don’t have to do
anything to earn my love.
Nothing you could do
would ever take my love away!
I believe in you!
I know that you can do
anything in the word you want to do!
I’ll stand by you and
support you through thick and thin!
What can I do to make
you happy today?
You are a beautiful
child of the Universe!
You deserve the very
best that life has to offer!
(Your name), I love you
just the way you are! Each
of these techniques could be used on a daily basis while you are
learning to love yourself more fully and completely. I’m going to
challenge you do them consistently for a month, and then write me an
e-mail and tell me what happens! I’ll bet that if you are
consistent, you will see miraculous changes in your life and in your
relationships with others! Any questions? Call Kari at 509-534-7374! I’ll be very happy to answer your questions! |
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Kari Joys kari-joys.com
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