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Eight Tips for Light-Heartedness

          during Dysfunctional Family Holidays

With Thanksgiving Day just around the corner, some of you who grew up in dysfunctional families are already dreading the family holiday gatherings. You may be bored with Great Aunt Martha who talks about her latest illnesses or frustrated with Uncle Bob, who’s always drunk before he ever arrives.

Some of you may have a Mom or Dad who was never there for you as a child, but now, as an adult, they demand all your time and attention. Family gatherings remind you just how dysfunctional your family really was!  

So what can you do to make it a light-hearted holiday?

1. Take care of yourself emotionally before the family gathering. Work on your own self esteem by journaling to release any negative feelings or by standing in front of your mirror and saying kind, loving words to yourself, like “I love you just the way you are. You’re beautiful and special and important to me!”

2. Visualize having a positive experience, but don’t expect other people to do what you want them to do. Before you go to the gathering, take time to imagine having fun while you’re there and feeling good about yourself when you leave. Just remember that you can’t make other people change. When you handle things in a healthy way, you’ll feel better just knowing that you have grown.  

3. Start the gathering on a positive, light-hearted note. Compliment every person you meet and ask them positive questions about their lives. Show a genuine interest in them and what’s going on in their lives.

4. Keep the conversation positive. If a conversation turns negative, you can always change the subject, walk away or just say “I don’t think this is a good time to discuss that—could we talk about it later?”

5. Share light-hearted humor that everyone can enjoy. Don’t laugh at anyone else’s expense, but find something to laugh about that is funny to everyone.

6. Limit the time you are willing to spend and plan an escape if things get difficult. Remember, now that you’re an adult, you are in charge of your life. If your family is difficult to be around, stop by for an hour or two and then go do something with people who can be positive and supportive to you.

7. Give yourself time after the gathering to process anything that was difficult or painful to you. Be sure to journal your feelings or talk to a dear friend about what happened if it affects you negatively. What happens at the family gatherings often reminds you of old wounds that may still need some time and attention for healing.

8. Congratulate yourself when you’re able to handle family situations better than you did before!  Personal growth is hard work, and it’s very important to remember to acknowledge yourself when you make progress. If you handled it better this year than last year, you’re a success!

Remember, light-heartedness is a choice that only you can make for yourself. Almost all of us came from dysfunctional families. The issue is not how to change your family to make them give you what you always needed and wanted, it’s how can you heal yourself today so that you can enjoy your own life. I hope you have a lovely, light-hearted holiday!

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